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Chairman of the Woolworths board Gordon Cairns revealed today his strategy for getting through board meetings and sounding like he knows what he’s talking about – copy Jeff Bezos!

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos’s 2016 statements to Shareholders reaffirmed his 1997 shareholders letter where he spoke of his core strategy to “obsess over customers” now described by Jeff as “True Customer Obsession”, what has Gordon Cairns got in store for us at the end of 2017? You guessed it, Customer Obsession! “We want to be obsessive about our customers” said Gordon. The similarities between Jeff’s statements and Gordon’s parroting were such that new reports appeared to day with headlines like “Woolworths channels Amazon philosophy” Also alluding to Gordon’s fresh ideas.
That’s not all a panicked Woolworths has in store to defend against Amazon, Plan B is to threaten their suppliers with a brand new “them or us strategy” is sure to go down well with consumers and producers alike.

Suddenly resorting to graphically violent language and with a killer look in his eyes a visibly disturbed Cairns took on a darker tone. Warning retailers who are planning to sell on Amazon that “They can end up cutting their own throat. Before they step into the breach, they should perhaps consider what the long-term ramifications are”

Reminding us just how nimble Woolworths is that also spoke of the aptly named Dark Stores Strategy, obviously pushing the boundaries of a rapid response to Amazon, Woolies announced that “up to” 5 of these “dark stores” (shipping warehouses) will be open for business at the end of 2018.

Shareholders can also feel relieved Gordon’s bandwagon plans extend to … well Gordon said it best “Finally we want to achieve Gold Tier employee status in the Australian Workplace Equality Index for LGBTI inclusion.”

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